At the age of 18, I lost my mum to lung cancer. She was a massive role model in my life, and the pain of losing her was hard to come to terms with.Watching someone die of cancer isn’t a quick or sudden death; you literally see them deteriorating in front of you for months on end. The radiotherapy treatment changes their personality, and you inevitably know that their life is coming to an end. I guess you could say that I had time to grieve even before I had lost her.
When you’re 18, your brain is all over the place… What with college life, nightlife, and spending most of my time with my friends, I was understandably devastated, but I had plenty of distractions.
The months and years that followed were primarily spent clubbing four or five times a week, with copious amounts of alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes on the menu to bury my emotions. As fun as this may have seemed at the time, this came with a huge cost! I was spiralling into major financial difficulties, complete with hangovers and severe comedowns, causing anxiety and paranoia.
Looking back, I made a tonne of mistakes! I said and did things I regret; lies would easily roll off my tongue; I even hurt a few people along the way, and relationships would fail. So for a long time, these feelings sat heavy; the bad times were equally vivid as the good times.
Life changing
When I reached the age of 25, I met a girl at work who would help me change my life forever. She is one of those people who is beautiful on the inside and out. I knew straight away that I needed this relationship to work, and in order to do so, I needed to start making some big changes... Which I did. For the first time in my life, I was being honest and confiding in someone about my mum, my addictions, and my finances. This may seem like a very typical thing you would do in a new relationship, but the interesting thing for me was that this person was a Christian, and little did I know at the time that this would impact my life in far more ways than one.
My family wasn't religious, and I don’t recall ever going to church unless for a wedding or funeral. However, I have always been a curious person, and I’ve often pondered the big question of, "Why are we here?" "What is our purpose?"
Like anything in life, the more you commit yourself to something, the more you grow into it. As the weeks and years rolled on, I started reading the Bible, going to church, and watching Christian films to get my head around it all, and it was beginning to make sense.
Everything felt different. I felt like I had reached a watershed moment in my life; I was praying and reading the Bible on a daily basis, and I was growing in wisdom. I had a thirst for learning more and attended a number of courses. I was learning how to cope with fear, anxiety, depression, and my regrets. Most importantly, it was teaching me how I could become a better person, and I felt like I had a true connection with Jesus, who had "saved me" from the wayward path of my youth.
When I say "saved me," you can only truly know what I mean when you let Jesus into your life wholeheartedly. You realise that life on Earth is only the beginning. It isn’t about becoming super religious or attending church every week; it’s about making a commitment to having a relationship with Jesus while living and respecting his commandments.
Life is full of obstacles, challenges, and circumstances that are often out of your control. People will disappoint you from time to time! They will lie, cheat, steal, act jealous and greedy, and say hurtful things. It can be very hard to know how to respond when you are in these situations. Being a Christian doesn’t erase them, but it does help you regulate your emotions and be able to pray for those who act in anger so you don’t lash out in retaliation. The Bible has taught me that the tongue can bring evil and destruction if you don’t control it. I list the negatives purely because, if you can learn to be resilient in these circumstances, you will reap the benefits of life’s good times.
One tip I would give anyone thinking about believing in Jesus is don’t think you have to know the Bible from cover to cover or go to church every week; you can simply have a relationship with Jesus right from your bedside if you so wish. Everything else will come in time.
James
